WELCOME

 It somehow feels oddly fitting that the year should end with an unusual cold snap around these parts. That winter should settle in with such force and chill, driving us all to cozy inside and wait out the drafts and darkness with a forever-hope in warmer days to come with the impending new year. Communities just north of where I live have been pounded by hurricane-force winds off and on for weeks, causing the temperate to plummet with the wind chill and wreaking havoc on the towns and their residents. It's been a season of resilience - of accepting factors we cannot change and enduring unwanted disruption with a heart of courage. 

 Picture yourself in the moment...  

Carols play in the background as I sit down to write, tree lights twinkling in the ever-decreasing daylight as the darkness settles on the wintry world outside. This is the holiday season to me: a call into the coziness of fireside evenings and comfort and joy while the still-chill of the white scenery outside reminds me that this is the time of hiddenness and reset - of the earth being dormant for awhile so that it may one day wake up again to Spring's warm invitation. These cold, dark winter days are what I think of when I contemplate the Christmas season and it's also what I think of when I reflect on the significance of a singular dark night so long ago that changed everything.   

Staring at the Christmas tree, my eyes fill with tears. I'm reminded of a song that's become especially dear to me in this holiday season... lyrics that speak of the passing of time, how memories pop up during this time of year, bringing with them a little loneliness and longing. How a moment takes one by surprise and brings a tear as nostalgia for old times as you knew them sets in: people you loved, traditions you miss, places no longer part of your world. That's been how I've felt lately. In the wake of so much heavy, my mind has run back to times past and made me miss certain people or places or things that used to anchor me that are now only memories of the past. For some reason, it's like the grief has hit me harder than normal and that song - oh, that sweet song - has really spoken for me all the things I'm feeling in the heart. 

Sometimes there are moments... seasons even... where it feels like God is all you have left.  

 Thanksgiving hasn't looked like how I remember in awhile. 

Sometimes you don't get closure.  

 It's written all over the biblical texts and it's written into the fabric of our DNA - the need for a meaningful pause... 

"Christian hope is different from optimism. Optimism is a natural virtue and a wonderful gift of temperament when things are going well, when we think tomorrow is going to be better than today. Christian hope has nothing to do with the belief that tomorrow is necessarily going to be better than today...   

 It felt like I was living in the midst of my greatest miracle to date. All the pieces of the story had lined up in ways I couldn't explain apart from the divine orchestration of God, and the confirmations along the way in my prayer life, my Bible reading, and my intuition appeared to be irrefutable. My faith was growing as I watched the circumstances unfold and began to envision a time where I would share this story with the world. It would grow other people's faith, too! It all seemed so life-changing and wonderful. My heart was so happy. For three incredible months, everything felt so...right. I asked God for the grace to steward the miracle well.  

I can't say I've often heard people say that doing life with God is unnerving: like riding the biggest rollercoaster with your hands in the air and feeling both fear and thrill simultaneously. When God tells you to buckle up and hang on for the ride, I'm not sure many of us are actually prepared for or have a clue of what that actually means. When I first give my brokenness to God and got strapped in for a life of living by faith, I don't think I realized it would often mean heading into the unknown with nothing more than the trusting hand of God to assure me. At the time, I thought I understood what it meant to do life at His side but years since have proven to me there were far more layers to trusting God than that. Perhaps you've discovered that, too.    

 A dear friend of twenty years I haven't spoken to in some time randomly calls me. And it's funny... because I initially thought she was responding to the email I sent her about a week before but, turns out, her computer died and she never got it. This phone call was completely a God thing - she just had something to share and decided to ring me about it. Amazing how that is sometimes, isn't it? God is in everything, friends...